I had my first mediation appointment.
We drove there together. Same car. Because I don’t have access to my own right now. Then we sat in separate rooms while the mediator went back and forth between us.
It was quiet and structured. And even though nothing was finalized, it helped. Nothing was signed. There’s no court order. I didn’t walk out with a parenting plan or any clear next step. But I still left feeling a little more settled than I did going in.
I also appreciated having my lawyer in the room with me the whole time. While the mediator was in the other room, I had time to ask questions and actually think out loud with someone who understands this process. That made a difference. It helped me figure out what I wanted and what I didn’t.
The session was paid for by him, because I couldn’t afford it. That’s one of the many reasons I’m trying to move forward with this divorce. Financial control matters. Access to money matters. You shouldn’t have to ask permission to meet your own basic needs.
One small note for next time: of the two rooms, one had better air flow. We were in the warmer one. It wasn’t terrible, but I hate being hot. If we go again, I’m definitely picking the other room.
What I’ve confirmed or learned from mediation so far:
- We’re not really in the same place mentally
- Being in separate rooms helped me stay calm and say what I needed to
- The mediator was respectful and listened, but they don’t make any actual decisions
- “We’ll send a draft” just means maybe, eventually
- I really appreciated having time with my lawyer to ask questions and talk things through
- Even if nothing is official yet, I left feeling a little more clear and that helps
So now I wait. Still in the same house. Still figuring everything out. But I showed up. I spoke up. And I left feeling more like myself.
