Summer started, and for once, I’m not scrambling to make it feel like some kind of picture perfect memory. The kids are home. Swim lessons are happening. Our schedule is messy.
There’s something about having them both here that feels like a reset. A little louder, a little harder, but also softer in a weird way. Like I don’t have to rush anyone out the door or explain why I’m too tired to play. We’re just here, together.
And in the middle of all that, everything else is still happening. School’s ending. I’m applying for jobs constantly because right now, I have no income. I’m almost divorced. Our home is in foreclosure. I don’t know where we’ll be living in a month, and there’s this high level panic that lives in my chest all the time.
But I’m also excited. That’s the weird part. I’m tired and overwhelmed, and still, I have this feeling that something new is coming. I don’t know what it looks like, and I’m not trying to manifest magic or whatever. Actually that would be great, lets do that. I just think this might be the start of something better.
As long as we’re still together, as long as we’re healthy, then I think this summer could be the beginning of a future I haven’t even imagined yet.
